Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Can Friends With Benefits Work?

I don't know if I'm the only who doesn't get it, but I've never seen the appeal of a bootycall buddy. Maybe it has something to do with all the friends who call me to discuss their latest guy problems and how the guy isn't treating them right.

We discuss the guy for awhile, then I wonder to myself, "Wait a minute. Are you two even in a relationship?" Of course, I don't ask that out loud because I already know the answer: "No, we're just friends." Then why the hell are we even having this conversation?!

Sure, having a friend with benefits makes "getting some" a lot more convenient. It seems simple enough. A guy and girl agree to have casual sex while maintaining a friendship status, thus relieving both parties from any expectations or disappointments.

Friends with benefits. Jumpoffs. F*** Buddies. It has a lot of names but one definition. Basically, it's sex. Plain and simple, with no strings attached. Unfortunately, it seems, there are always strings attached.

I've never been in a FWB relationship so I can speak with absolutely no personal experience. But lucky for us, this is my blog so I can write about whatever I damn please. So I'm writing about a subject I've been hearing about a lot lately. Many women believe having FWBs is actually empowering and gives them control over the entire relationship; however, FWBs is a devaluing relationship that confuses the line of true friendship and makes it incredibly difficult for women to engage in future positive healthy romantic relationships.

It seems women are always looking for a sense of control when it comes to guys. They want to hold something over the guy. In an attempt not to get hurt or look like a fool, or invest themselves fully in another person, they enter into a FWBs relationship. However, the relationship does far more harm than good.

FWBs completely erodes at the definition of friendship. Friendship is mainly based on open communication. A FWB relationship completely lacks that. The communication channels are completely shut down and you usually end up talking to your friends about things you can't talk about with your "Friend" with Benefits.

Under the disguise of friendship, you begin to over analyze every single conversation, action, and detail with the person. The guy and the friendship just becomes added stress. Friendship begins to lose its meaning and value, and the relationship lacks any sort of romantic component--emotional intimacy has to be kept in check at all times.

So why is he a "friend". I'd like to argue that he's not, in fact he's just a guy you have sex with. If the two of you were friends before, you're sure as hell not friends anymore. Just two people having sex. How dirty does that sound? I guess we just like to put pretty titles to things that, when you look closer, are actually pretty ugly.

Women continue to fall into this FWB trap. Sure, it might turn into more--a real relationship--or both parties could be honest with each other and both truly only want sex from each other, but most of the times it's just us settling. And why settle for a bus ride, when you know you should be driving a Lexus?

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